Too Many to Count

“Lots.”

The One Who Ruined History

“He kept talking about maps, which would have really interested me because I love history and geography, but the way he was describing maps was the most boring way you could ever describe maps. And I don’t know why anyone would want to talk about maps on a date. So I went into the bathroom and I called my dad to come pick me up from the date and then I snuck out and just left.”

Marcella Cardella

“The worst Valentine’s date I ever had was, believe it or not, a blind date… And my motivating factor to go on a date with him is that if we got married, my last name would rhyme with my first name. So I went on a date with a guy named Brian Cardella… But then he told me he hated Pearl Jam and the date was over.”

True Love

“It was the date after the date where I met my wife. The very next day I had a date scheduled and I totally sabotaged it because I knew I had met a woman I was gonna spend my life with.” 

Anything for Cats The Musical

“I basically was gonna dump [my husband]. And my friend said, ‘He has tickets to Cats. Don’t dump him until after Cats.’” 

Starstruck

“It was this guy I was very casually dating, but he had invited me to watch the Oscars at his house… And I knew that he was friends with some celebrity people… so I drive to the house he tells me to go to. It’s in Los Feliz and it’s this really beautiful house… So I walk in, and it’s, it’s his best friend’s house, who he’s been living with for like the past two years. And his best friend is Dax Shepard.”