1. Getting Into our Early Decision and Early Action Schools

Twas the night before the decision date, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a quivering senior anxiously refreshing their portal. Cue: All I Want for Christmas is [insert dream school here]!

2. Apple AirPods Max

To drown out the noise of juniors asking us about college decisions and distant, removed relatives recounting how easy it was to get into Harvard in the ’80s!

3. Semester Grade Miracles

It’s a holiday miracle! By the forces of 60-degree breezes and nonexistent snow, teachers have become compelled to give all the seniors As for the semester!

4. Remembering How to Differentiate Logarithms

By the time our bellies are full with holiday food, we’ll have long forgotten the witchcraft of calculus. Find the derivative of lne[log(2x2+3)]e^12x3? Hmm…what’s the power rule again?

5. A Reason to Continue

Nine long years have passed for lifers on this eerie campus, and now that school doesn’t matter anymore (sorry, College Counseling), why must I trudge my lethargic feet to school only to remain chained to the cycle of drudgery and monotony?

6. To Whom it May Apply: Infinite Supply of ED School Merch

Farewell superstition, hello manifestation!

7. Getting Our Top-Choice Discovery Week Trip

With only less than 20 spots per trip, it looks like it might be a fight to the death for our choice of longest flight time…