When I agreed to cover the 2020 election for Spyglass, did I really care? Nope. Not at all. Politics are so, so boring and totally irrelevant, and I had, like, a ton of homework to do. Then, one Saturday when I FINALLY had some time to relax, my dad asked me to help him prune his favorite bush. In need of a viable excuse to opt out, I figured I’d start fishing for quotes.

I conducted an interview, asking the following thoughtful questions:

“Shout if you’re excited for the upcoming election year!”

“Anyone?”

“This can be anonymous if you want.”

“Seriously. Does anyone have an answer?”

“Maybe? No? Okay. This is getting awkward. I’m just gonna leave…”

Whew! Good job, me! ARTICLE COMPLETE!!!

To reward myself for all the brainpower I had just used, I grabbed some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and danced around to my personal imaginary superhero theme song. Only halfway through “Bow-chicka-wow-wow-ILENA GIRL,” it occurred to me that I had been in my room, alone, the entire time, and therefore the results of my interview may have been somewhat less statistically significant. So, I tried again.

  “Shout if you’re excited for the upcoming election year!”

   My parents just looked at me like I was nuts.

Sensing my tactics weren’t getting me anywhere, I attempted to perform formal interviews with some of my classmates. All they gave me were cautious, inoffensive, and downright noncommittal answers, so I made the choice to spy on their conversations instead. In return for ALL the unrelated information that I really could have done without, I did manage to pick up a few good, candid opinions on the election.

” I’m just so…tired. Like, everyone’s talking about it.  You’re CONSTANTLY hearing stuff on the news. My grandparents keep arguing with me, and I’m just like, stop,” groaned James R. ’24 in history class.

I totally get it, James.

And sorry for listening to your conversation. It’s not creepy.

Sabina P. ’24 mused about her own stake in the 2020 election, “I want to have an impeachment party, and a Super Tuesday party, and an Iowa voting day party, so we can have cake! Cake is good. I can make different kinds of cake, and we can decorate them with blue frosting because, like, Democrats, and then we can eat them!” 

A friend of Sabina’s, who requested to remain anonymous, added, “It’s not about the politics, it’s about the cake. If you think politics are important, you’re wrong: the cake is what REALLY matters.”

On a separate occasion, Sabina informed me, “I’m having trouble deciding which candidate to support, and by support, I mean buy merch from. And by deciding which candidate to support, I mean deciding which candidate has the best merch because really, who cares who we have as a president as long as they make pretty t-shirts?”

Sylvie S.J. ‘24 had a much more politically opinionated, and perhaps sugar and/or caffeine influenced attitude.

“I think that this upcoming election is…really a chance to defeat our moronic cheeto of a president. Things are gonna get a little cuckoo bananas, but we just gotta focus on kicking the little, overly-tanned, cheese-dusted loser out of office and try not to lose our good vibes or sanities,” she told me.

I continued pressing Sylvie on this insightful point of hers:

“How has the Trump presidency affected your outlook on Cheetos?” I asked.

“Trump looks like a Cheeto!”

“So, does every Cheeto remind you of Trump?”

“No, but every Trump reminds me of a Cheeto.”

Sylvie then burst into giggles and asked me for the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup I offered in return for her insight. When I told her I had forgotten it, she grumbled and walked away, declining to offer more information.

Seeking an older, perhaps more mature outlook on the election year from someone of voting age, someone who truly cared about the election and knew their voice could make a difference, I reached out to my Roman big sister, who never responded to my email. Thanks a lot.

From all the information I gathered, or, rather, didn’t gather during my extensive, painstaking, multi-week long research process that totally wasn’t rushed at all,  I’ve come to the conclusion that most everyone at Westridge is just too downright stressed/weary/indifferent to discuss the election. Whether it’s because we’re all minors, or have too much homework, or, I don’t know, are distracted by candy, I cannot say. Whatever your opinions, politically or emotionally, whatever 2020 will hold, one thing is for sure: this year is going to require A LOT of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.