1. Seeing an assignment due before class, not 11:59 p.m.

The teacher grins menacingly, typing in 1:59 p.m. onto the Turnitin deadline. Unknowingly, students prepare to submit their final paper worth 99.99% of their grade at 11:59 p.m. Only, by the time students realize the teacher’s doing—probably at 1:58—it’s too late. The penalty? 10% off per minute.

2. The Senior Side-eye when you wear college merch

Imagine you’re a nefarious, mutineer of a freshman boasting her Columbia University sweatshirt (where her great-great-great-grandfather went, to be clear). You think nothing of it, but as you walk past the Senior Tables you realize you’ve just made the gravest mistake of your life. #DoNotDefyTheLawsOfSeniority

3. Teachers who don’t give extensions

On a casual Monday you realize that your Geometry test, English paper, history Homework Question, Spanish essay, and science quiz are all due or occurring on the same day. You hastily email your teachers asking for an extension (read: you desperately beg on your knees for your teachers’ mercy), but receive a punch in the gut (read: you receive an email with “No. Sent from my iPhone.”) 

4. Interrupting Manlunch

Eagerly awaiting the Writing Center, you count down the seconds until you can stash as many Reese’s Pieces into your pockets—I mean, see a beloved fellow to outline your English ICW. With one second left, you enter EC20 and are met with death glares, sinister grumbles, and threatening eyebrows from Manlunch. You decide to keep one eye open at night.

5. An AI Tiger

“I’m terrified of AI tigers—just imagine a digital predator analyzing my uniform and plotting my demise! One minute I’m enjoying cat memes, the next I’m being judged by a sentient tiger on my outfit choices—talk about a purr-fect nightmare!” 

-ChatGPT

6. No smiley checkfaces on your Raines paper

Palms sweating and clock ticking, Mr. Raines finally hands you your essay of the Odyssey—or whatever the equivalent is now. You skim his suggestions for the hallmark of triumph, but alas! There is not one single smiley checkface on your paper. As the moment of realization hits, the earth begins to shake, the ceiling caves in, and zombies rise out of the ground. If only you’d close read that one passage a bit more…

7. Seeing people in uniform when you walk into school in free dress

You step out of Carline, and the minute you enter Westridge, the first 10 people you see are in uniform. They must have all forgotten, right? But your fear is confirmed when the nearest admin shoots you a dirty look. You turn around to see if your parent can drive you home to change but they’re already long gone.

8. Toes

Seniors, Let the Dogs Out.

9. A whiff of The Smell in a random part of campus

Journeying along Ranney Court you’re suddenly assaulted by none other than The Smell. You shake your head in disbelief—this is supposed to be a safe spot on campus, but it’s now been corrupted.

10. The lunch line

Eyes blurring and balance faltering, I see an oasis on the horizon—the Commons food. Only, the closer I get I realize it’s simply a mirage. I’ve been beat. Now, I must spar another Westridge student for the last plate of fries.

11. The shameless Lower Schoolers who are sassy with you

Evading them is like evading the CIA. 

12. Digging out your white uniform

Pleats unfolding and seams unraveling, Westridge students hoist up their white bottoms that have been marinating a culture of flesh-eating bacteria in the back of their closets.