Top 10 Suggestions for Feeling Less Single On Valentine’s Day

– Take a plastic dummy for a drive in the carpool lane

– Third-wheel on your friends’ romantic date

– Splurge on new $50 water bottle (hey, it’s cheaper than a nice bouquet of roses for the partner you don’t have)

– Rent a local aspiring actor to pose as your spouse

– Bring a puppy/baby/small harmless rodent to a public park and solicit compliments from strangers

– Take up a fun new social hobby, like karaoke or LARPing

– Change your Facebook status to “In a relationship.” It doesn’t matter that you’re lying because nobody’s checked Facebook in ten years

– Sign yourself up for couple’s therapy

– Spend time with your unhappily married cousins

– Become a hermit and write poetry à la Emily Dickinson