I have always struggled with math, but I’m not afraid of or unfamiliar with hard work. At the beginning of the year, my pre-algebra math class was hard, as usual, but no matter how hard I worked or how many times I met with my teacher, I still wasn’t getting it.  And my grades reflected that.

I didn’t know what was happening. Was something wrong with me? Was I not focusing enough? Besides the fact that I have ADHD, I knew I was focusing well and trying extremely hard to understand the concepts, but the material just kept coming faster than I could really learn it. I would come home in tears. I knew I was giving my best, but it just wasn’t enough to be successful. 

When Lower and Middle School Director Dr. Zanita Kelly announced that a new Math 7 class had been approved, I knew this was the chance I had long waited for. When she spoke to the middle school about giving students opportunities to really learn the material and not just get through it, I knew she was talking about me and to me.

Even though I knew it was the right thing for me and my math development (my parents were also so happy), I started to worry.  Who will be there? Will I be the only one? What will my friends think? What if it’s still really hard? Will people think I’m weird?

But when the class began second semester, even though the room was the same, the energy was different. We picked new seating, and Lower and Middle School Dean of Student Support Mrs. Masami Hansen celebrated our new beginning with doughnuts.  Our math teacher, Ms. Jamie Linton, gave out fun erasers, which made everyone laugh and smile. For once, math class felt joyful. Ms. Linton was jumping up and down around the room, which made me, and many others smile. I felt joy and relief at the same time.

The new green colored workbook was also accessible and engaging. There were bursts of colors, sentences, and small images representing the math problem. I loved it. It felt like I would understand math more, since I would have a better time and less stress here. I felt like math wasn’t scary anymore. 

After a few math classes, I could tell the pacing was the biggest difference.  I have time to really soak in all the new material and understand the topics before the assessment. The class feels more open to ideas and questions. I still get help from my teacher, and even though math is still challenging, I believe in myself.   

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is to stay positive and to know the difference between willingness and willfulness. What I mean by that is when you’re willful, you’re willing to do the work, or without fighting to do it, and being told or having to do whatever the thing is. But with willingness, you are actually wanting or willing to do something, even with being told, you might feel that you have a choice, and I did. I felt the choice of either fighting to do the work or wanting to do the work. With this new math class, I would be willing and wanting to proceed instead of being willful to proceed. 

My 7th grade math journey is coming close to the end with only a few more classes until summer vacation. I feel like this experience made me a stronger learner. I learned about resilience and not giving up. I kept persisting.  Sometimes, I felt at fault, but I kept going anyway.  I can’t say I enjoy math. I never have. I may never enjoy it, but I can say that I enjoy how I’ve grown as a math student.